Martial Farts

Martial farts!

It’s a talented art! Yet it’s not biological nor anything of awe inspiring intelligence (though it inspired me to write this). They are known in this world by many names with added adjectives inspired from Beavis and Butthead (the all Americans!). I call them the ‘Martial Fartists’, my weekday entertainment.

Their goal – coolness factor, their inspiration – the guy/girl who stole the one they love. Some people learn martial arts to be able to kick someone’s ‘gluteus maximus’ (biology for buttocks) in general for no reason, some to look healthy and say they are now dangerous!!, some because they are plain frustrated out of joblessness and need release. But then there are those few who actually take up martial arts as a form of self-defence and a firm expression of free movement. But I’m not referring to the latter but the former…champs of the world.

Like in a gym you have some guys looking at themselves in the mirror while they pump iron and their face wrinkling up with pain, then they put the weights down and flex their muscles like its grown, yeah?! Likewise martial arts classes too will have those amateurs who do a couple of kicks and then start walking as if they developed two inch muscles under their arms, clenching their teeth, ready to kick the next Reddy, Tendulkar or Singh that comes their way.

There are also those who after every kick or jump will look into the mirror to see if their hair is ok, sometimes even while talking to the sensei they do the same. Even better when they have to do some rigorous kicking and punching they say “oh my god! can I just do only the warm up exercises?!” building a great amount of frustration in the sensei’s mind, who probably wants to put the dear little poodle out of its misery once and for all.

This is only a glimpse of the martial fartists and how they make it partial arts, how they take the first K out of ‘KICK’ making it ‘ICK’. What’s more amazing is their hurting ego’s, self absorbed mind-set and grumbling enthusiasm at the end of it all will some how get them to reach their pretentious goals. Do they frustrate me so much? Nope not at all, it’s always relaxing to have a good laugh while one is trying to increase their pain threshold and learn control.

The real dictionary says, ‘Martial’ meaning characteristic of or befitting a warrior; ‘Arts’ meaning the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance. In my dictionary ‘Martial Fartists’ means the characteristic of or befitting a nincompoop who’s expression, or realm, production, quality according to ‘assthetic’ principles, of what is temporarily appealing to another’s humour or of no more than ordinary significance.